My journey to healing starts here. Weeping to wellness, so to speak. I’m telling my story for others as well as myself. Hopefully, my sharing will aid in my continued healing as well as someone else dealing with the same illness.
Most people don’t know I went through a secret hell last year. I shared some of my suffering but there was also a silence that came along with it. I, a Certified Health Coach, had totally lost control over my life. I was ashamed and defeated. I had come so far to be knocked back down. I was in pain, mentally and physically.
I was detached at times. Lost in a mass a confusion and despair. My confidence stolen with every ache, every pain. What kind of help can I give if I am unable to help myself? What type of healer am I when I’ve all but given up on myself? That was my self talk as2014 was coming to a close.
December 31, 2014 could not have come fast enough for me. I started the year in pain and ended it nearly beaten. I endured an unnecessary surgical procedure, multiple bouts of stomach and back pain, cat scans, x-rays, MRIs and enough poking and prodding to last me a lifetime. All to be told I had a “functional” disease. Functional meaning there’s no underlying major illness, no chronic condition, no cure, just a bunch of symptoms that only feel like they are going to kill me. My diagnosis, Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS).
The first time I ever heard of this condition was in the movie “Along Came Polly.” Ben Stiller had IBS, it was comical when he had it. Spicy foods equaled a run to the bathroom. Oh, how I would’ve gladly settled for a mere run to the bathroom. My IBS had me on my hands and knees on benches in different emergency rooms. Rocking, crying for drugs, wishing for death. My IBS had me in New York, sitting on a restaurant patio, well laying, in 30 degree weather, sweating and looking like a crazed homeless person. My IBS had no comical effects. It was painful, embarrassing, disheartening. My IBS had me taking orange pills, blue pills, white pills. Pills that I had sworn off, pills that I knew were causing harm.
My IBS was killing my spirit. I was so ready for the year of stomach hell to end. I was resolved to get myself back. How dare a “functional” illness steal my thunder. I decided I was going to start by ending my year with positivity and to begin the new year by affirming control over IBS. I was ready to begin to truly heal mind, body and spirit.
Welcome to my journey. Wish me well and let’s get ready. The ride won’t always be smooth but it will surely always be mine. My way, my terms.
Happy New Year, new Me..to me!